I Had A Falling Out Not Too Long Ago

Initially, my plan was to not acknowledge this situation in any way because I don't normally let people that are irrelevant to me live rent-free in my head, but some situations demand clarification. Also, I realize that since she did not name me that I'm basically telling on myself here, but that's fine - the truth is on my side. This is the best defense to have when shameless, pathological liars decide to spread misinformation.

I did not write this blog to insult her, or to take her down - doing so with those intentions is unrealistic because she does great work and has a sunny disposition, so she will have supporters no matter what. However, insulting a person and describing a person are two different things, and my only interest with this is making sure that the truth is out there - she shouldn't be the only one allowed to give a version of events, especially if that version is embellished.

As cliche as the phrase "don't sink to their level" is, it definitely applies here. When this person has an issue with someone, her strategy is self-victimize, fabricate, demonize, and embellish. The difference between us is that when I air my grievances, I utilize truth, facts, and logic.

I'm going to refer to this person as 'Regina George' in this post. I'm not going to name her but if you can connect the dots, it is what it is. The only difference between the subject of this blog and the fictional Regina George is that at least the character was kind of redeemable toward the end of Mean Girls.

Just like the subject says, I fell out with someone that I considered to be a friend for many years. Up until recently, I learned the hard way that this friendship was one sided.

Regina George is somebody that I met sometime in 2017. We first connected on Instagram, and I was blown away by her talents - she’s a fellow photographer, she models, and she makes music. Even now, I will confirm that she does all three exceedingly well, and it even earned her some positive notoriety - she easily has one of the best voices I've ever heard from someone that sings. It wasn’t long before I messaged her, asking if she’d like to sit for some photos - we agreed on a time and place, and eventually* made it happen. She even took some pictures of me, which I loved - I typically stay behind the lens, so being in front of someone else’s was a different experience for me. Over time, we would shoot some trade projects, and developed what I thought was a real friendship, for which I was grateful. Through her, I met other people that were excellent collaborators for photography, learned some photo skills, and decided to put more of an emphasis on shooting with film.

*The first time we had a plan to meet and do a shoot, I drove to to the location with some time to spare (Concord, NH) and let her know that I arrived. She replied not long after, saying that she “forgot” about the plan we made and was in Boston. That should have been red flag #1, but I kept my blinders on and let it slide.

My issue with Regina George is that she would break plans often - while we did hang out and do shoots together, I would say eight times out of ten, she would cancel plans we made. I understand that things happen, and the most people don’t plan on being flaky but with her it happened way more than normal - too often to be coincidence. Also, I eventually got the feeling that she never actually liked my work because she would very seldom upload images I sent to her - she would however upload work from other photographers that she shot with quite regularly to her modeling Instagram.

I want to clarify that it’s not like she never uploaded my pictures of her - she did, but very infrequently. Also, she is one of those people who will make uploads to her IG, and archive them not long after - and my images were often among the ones put into cold storage. I shrugged this off because I understood that Regina George wasn’t under any kind of obligation to add my images to her modeling account, but it still kind of bothered me that I didn’t get much representation on her page. The screenshots below will illustrate the kind of friendship that I thought I had with her.

I shared these screenshots to show the kind of friendly dynamic we had in prior years. Any logical person would agree that this is typical of people that are friends, right?

The screenshots below will show you the last time we made a plan, and how she broke the plans a few days before it was to happen. This has happened many times with her over time, but this is the only other example that I have of it. Regina George is someone that utilizes multiple accounts on a single platform, and a lot of the conversations where she has done this are lost - however, I trust my memory.

The one above shows me being passive aggressive in my response. I remember being very annoyed at this particular instance.

These next few screens will show the beginning of the end.

We had a plan for Sunday the 20th, and she sent me the cancellation on Thursday the 17th. After I sent that message I got no response - at the time I figured that life happened, and she did mention that she was dealing with some things so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and figured that she just forgot to reply. After a few days, I messaged her on her main account. During those days, I was going back and forth between wondering if it would be worthwhile to bring this up to her. I almost let it go, but I then realized that you have the right to talk to your friend about something that they are doing that is bothering you, and figured the conversation would go the way I intended.

*I made a typo in my message to her. That particular Sunday was actually 3/20/2022, not the 21st.

Shortly after she read my last message, I noticed that she unfollowed me on both her accounts, and removed me as a follower from them. This is an extremely immature way to handle anything, and unfortunately it is typical of unaccountable people like her - shortly after that, I emailed her to tell her off. Not my proudest moment, but at the time I was pretty offended by this, and I could not just walk away from it - I just couldn’t believe that this was happening given the friendship I thought we had. Not long after that, she posted this Chernobyl-like meltdown to her Instagram story.

Anything is possible when you lie.

Funny thing about gut feelings - not only did my gut tell me that this wouldn’t be worth bringing up, but it let me know that Regina is far too childish to have a civil discourse. For infantile misandrists like her, the easy way out is best - and for her it was simpler to just unfollow, gaslight me, and then play the victim for her audience.

Oops! It looks like she forgot to post the whole conversation! Don’t worry, I’ve got you.

You notice how she only shows the part of the interaction that made the most sense for the bullshit she's trying to push? Shameless people like her tend to leave certain details out when they’re trying to form a certain narrative. Even the way she says “Leave me alone” shows that she was trying to make her audience believe that I was thirsty for her, and that my messages to her were a consistent one sided occurrence. This sort of shameless dishonesty is why society is often reluctant to believe women. She put in great effort to try and convince her audience, as well as herself - that she was a victim.

I am not happy with how I handled this because I feel like I could have addressed it a more delicately - perhaps trying to have a conversation in person about what was bothering me, but again - this was someone that I thought I had a strong rapport and friendship with, so I didn’t see an issue with messaging her about it. I felt like she was dismissing my concerns by not really addressing them in her response, and yes that irritated me at the time. Normally, when grown ups come to conflict, they work it out - especially if they're friends. To see that she chose to immediately cut me off rather than talk to me like an adult, post a twisted version of events to make it seem like I was harassing her - and then for some reason choosing needless misandry - I’m sorry, but that to me is trashy behavior, and I stand by calling her trash - she meets and exceeds the criteria for such.

Keep in mind, she posted these assuming that I wouldn’t see them. This goes to show how she really felt about me, and what a fake person she is. Whenever we did connect in person, she would always greet me with a hug, and give salutations that were always indicative of two people in a close, platonic friendship - this is someone that has let me into her home at least twice, has also been to mine, and hugged my mother after just meeting her. When it came time to say goodbye and see you later, she would again give me a hug, so I wonder if it’s normal to do this sort of thing with people that you classify only as “colleagues”? 🤔

Accurate.

All this time, I thought Regina George and I were friends - no more, no less. Never once have I made a pass at her, nor did I ever indicate that I'm sexually/romantically attracted to her. I valued her as a person, and a multi faceted artist above all. To discover that the friendship was one sided is a pretty deep cut. After I pointed the fact that she dodged my question in such a way that would make even the most seasoned politician jealous, I even tried changing the subject to let her know that I'm not going to hold it against her.

I think this is what she was trying to say -

Fixed it.

Regina George is your typical textbook narcissist - arrogant, engages in gaslighting, can’t handle criticism, belligerent when called on her shit, an unbelievable sense of entitlement/superiority…the list goes on. It's clear that Regina George is the type of person who was raised poorly, and was never told "no" while growing up, so she believes that she can go through life acting however she wants with no repercussions. She is clearly not burdened by an overabundance of logical reasoning skills or decency.

Also - I really don't have a clue as to why this was a male vs female issue to her. I guess it would be okay if a female photographer said exactly what I said then? Why so much butthurt over being held to account?

I never viewed this particular problem that way - I saw it as someone who I thought I was friends with routinely blowing me off, and me just trying to understand why. To me, this was just two people engaged in a misunderstanding that I thought could be sorted out. Typical of anyone that will lie whenever possible, she purposefully leaves out a lot of context. She intentionally tried to frame this as me sliding into her DMs all the time, and then going off on her for not giving me the time of day.

I mean, I have an entire project that shows you why this is a bad idea.

In her second slide, she thanks all the male photographers/models that "don't act like this" so what she's really saying here is, "all my simps and enablers that don't call attention to my childish tendencies, thank you. I have no integrity or accountability for myself, so thank you for allowing me to remain this way.”

Also, that's the thing with petulant people that happen to be blessed with external beauty - they assume that everyone wants to fuck them. Anyone that viewed her shit fit, and the lack of context that followed will assume that whomever she was talking about was into her, tried to shoot their shot with her, and got big mad when she did not give in.

The hubris on this one!

Imagine being so embroiled in your own ego…👸

In fairness - she very well may have been venting about other men trying to get with her - not me necessarily. I have no clue what her inbox looks like - for all I know, it could be full of dudes harassing her in this way. With that said, she was quite happy to give the implication that I was doing that, and even though she did not name me in her story I have to assume that some of her audience responded, asked who she was talking about, and that she told them my name. I can confirm that I lost mutual followers on Instagram after that.

What if I said something as ridiculous as, " I shouldn't have to deal with being repeatedly flaked on by females"

Like what the hell does me being male have to do with anything? Am I beneath her? Am I excluded from being even remotely critical of her because I happen to be male?

Writing off my genuine concern here as toxic masculinity shows that apparently, a lack of personal accountability and empathy are acceptable traits for adults to have. When it comes to fighting the patriarchy, Regina George is really doing the most out here!

Yaaaas queen, no accountability club! 👸

For as long as I've known her, the only thing that I assumed was that we had a good, platonic friendship. Based on the screenshots and my memories of our prior personal interactions, I don't think that I was wrong to make that assumption. Regina George is a pathological liar, she's an awful person for feigning friendship, and for attempting to spin the narrative in this direction. As you could see from the screenshots we would set specific days to hang out. Sometimes it worked, but more often it did not due to her cancelling.

Some people reading this will make the argument that I’m shitting on mental health, and giving her a hard time for taking steps to focus on her own well being. All I can say is that as someone that also struggles with mental health, I would never go out of my way to shame someone for prioritizing themselves and their wellness - I just know a recurring action when I see one, and when someone is taking advantage of my laid-back, seldom-confrontational nature.

My struggle is rooted in me thinking that I am a burden to people - I am an over-thinker. If I detect even a slight change in someone’s tone or demeanor toward me - I begin to think that the person doesn’t like me, that I'm bothering them, which causes me to place them under a large microscope. That is why I messaged Regina George in the first place - I saw her pattern of cancelling on me as a sign that she didn’t actually enjoy my work or shooting with me.

Keep in mind, I wasn’t always in her inbox asking her to hang out. Apart from the occasional round of likes, comments, and story shout-outs we would go long periods without interacting or seeing each other in person - as much as I valued the friendship I thought I had with her, I didn’t need to see her all the time in person - frequently being in someone’s presence is never a requirement for me.

Always keep your receipts. It's the only way to completely debunk the snake oil that schizophrenic, morally bankrupt people try to sell, and man do I wish that I had all of them. I literally have no idea why she's tried to make it seem like it's something that it wasn’t - I guess when you're always pretending that you're in a movie, childish histrionics and a complete departure from reality make sense. Again, anything is possible when you lie.

I knew that I shouldn't have messaged her about what was bothering me. By sending the message, I made the mistake of assuming that she had the emotional maturity to handle it like the adult she pretends to be. She didn't even try to see my point of view - she's so toxic that it's not just that she couldn't see my side, she outright refused to. There was no misunderstanding - she knew very well what she was doing when she posted her version of events, and she believed in her heart of hearts that she was a victim. People like Regina George have no integrity, and no center for empathy. They believe that they can do no wrong, and if you call attention to something that they did or said to bother you - no matter how much you emphasize that you're not coming for them in an ill intentioned way - (as much as you can via text) YOU’RE the asshole. I never thought that Regina George was capable of sinking to such lows, but then again I never really knew her in the first place.

Again, I enjoyed what I thought was a platonic friendship with her. From a purely artistic and creative point of view, I guess you could say that I even looked up to her - her skill with a camera is just amazing, and I saw her as someone that I could learn from.

Want to know the real gut punch here?

It's not her corporate, dismissive response to my prior message.

It's also not the fact that she heavily implied that I'm a typical inbox orbiter that repeatedly harassed her to hang out, tried to sleep with her, and went off on her when she didn't make time for me.

It's the fact that she basically said, though not in so many words - that she never considered me to be her friend, in all the years that I've known her and shot with her. To her, I was always just a bottom-tier photographer that she shot with on occasion when she was feeling generous.

I learned the hard way that just because someone acts like a friend, doesn't mean that they are your friend. In a way, I kind of feel bad - the entire time she essentially tolerated me. It would be inaccurate for me to say that this was a betrayal - betrayal comes from your friends, and it’s clear to me now that she was never my friend. My experience with her proves that she pretends well - she's been dishonest with me since 2017.

This is not normal behavior whatsoever for people (especially in their late 20s). I would say to please have a conversation with your friends if they're like this instead of just shrugging it off and acting like it's appropriate, normal behavior but given the fragility of people like this, it might just get you unfollowed and gaslit.

Like I said at the start, I’m not going to name her but hats off to you if you can figure out who this blog is about - I will not confirm or deny anything. If you've read this far, you've read the friendly screenshots. You saw the level of amicability between us, and then the rabid, pathetic display of emotion she spewed after I dared to question her. If you know who I’m talking about and if you’re friendly with her, I would strongly suggest that you think twice about it - she is a very artificial person with a staunch belief that she is infallible, and to her people are disposable - I guarantee that she’s talked badly about you at least once, perhaps several times. If you’ve read this far, you hopefully understand by now that if she never thought well of me, she probably doesn’t think nicely about you either - I’d go as far to say that she thinks her followers are idiots, especially since she expected people to believe her version of events. She'll keep up her phony, friendly facade as long as you don't call her on her bullshit. She is a very deceitful, mentally unstable person who in my opinion, should never be trusted. She has said horrible things about other photographers and even other women, oddly enough. I hope she finds the help she so desperately needs. 🤞🏽🥺🤞🏽

When you’re trash, but the superiority complex kicks in.

There was a brief period when I was legitimately sad about this right after our last email exchange. There was a moment when I questioned myself, wondered if I went too far, and if I was overreacting. That is the power of someone gaslighting you.

No - I'm not calling her out for ignoring my messages and not making time to hang out with me. I'm calling her out for being an extremely fake and unreliable piece of shit, and for lying about how all of this went down. She took advantage of the fact that I was never one to grumble about being repeatedly flaked on, and the one time I did she broke down about it, emotionally manipulating her audience by making it seem like she was being harassed. She's not just trash - she's the entire landfill. Reading her email response to me, when she talked about how she apparently knew that I “might act like this” goes to show me again that she never really thought well of me. Accountability definitely feels like an attack when you're too immature to understand how your behavior negatively affects others. Her account of this unfortunate event is nothing more than the conjecture of a narcissist that was desperately in need of victimhood. The number one fear for people like Regina George is accountability.

As time goes on, I’m realizing more and more that I didn't lose anything of value - it’s just laughable at this point.

Goooooooood riddance. 🐍